We’ve been together for a year now. We’ve done everything together, made promises and planned our futures. I love him with every inch of me, but there’s something wrong and not only can I not fix it, but I don’t even know what it is. We’ve always had fights, but lately they are heartbreaking and catastrophic. What are we fighting about? Things have changed, he has changed but he doesn’t see it. He’s pulling away, I feel myself losing him and it’s making me crazy. He says he cares, I know he does. He hasn’t given up on us. I’ve never felt so hopeless. I practice saying it out loud, “we aren’t happy in this relationship”… but when the time comes I am just scared to death of losing him and I can’t do it.

I can’t stand it anymore. Or that’s what I keep telling myself anyway. I have been saying that for so long it’s lost value to me. I am seriously down… so far down that I don’t even remember what it’s like to feel good about myself or have energy to pursue any type of happiness. I am the epitome of love addiction. How in the world do I stop putting him first? I put him above everything... my health, my goals, my happiness and it is killing me.

Still… I know all this … and when the time comes I don’t act on it.

I’ve prayed and begged and cried out all of my tears. I can’t do anything because as soon as I see him I am flooded with love. I know his secrets; I’ve held him while he’s cried. His smile, his laugh, everything about him are reasons not to leave.



What can i do.


Forcing myself to treat you the same as you treated me is kinda hard. But its the only way to let me stop having any expectation from you.


"No longer a happy girl"

Neither i have any sweet and caring words from you nor romantic initiative action from you.
How long do i need to wait? How can i let you know that i'm not independent at all, i'm not mature at all. I need you to care for me like your precious, concern and love me like no one else. I do not need your FULL attention but your FIRST attention. How can i let you understand all this??

We started to dislike/criticize each other attitude/character instead of develop more feeling. Instead of being understanding knowing what we really are, I find myself enduring. It shouldn't be like this.
Blaming myself for thinking toooo much.

I told myself if i were to be together with you, this will be my last and final relationship i going to have. No matter how fierce our argument is, how sad we are, i want to solve it. I really want to solve it.

I'm too impatient. Please forgive me.

I love you and i truly love you.

Joanne



Days like after an argument is made, Every second of every hour are the thoughts of what you had said to me. You will never know how I feel. Well because I'm too scared to say what I feel.

Too scared to say - I really need you to prove me with your action rather than your words

Too scared to say - You are really treating me so unfair

Too scared to say - All you care is about yourself, your feelings, your thoughts

Simple enough, but yet so difficult. I started doubting myself, am i really ready. I lost the trust in myself, but without you i am totally lost. 

No matter how busy i am or how i wanted myself to be busy with, my eyes will tend to keep looking at the phone unless i am away from it. My mind will keep thinking of what will you be doing at this timing, sometimes i even have the urge to text you. 

My love for you is growing but my heart is weakling. But most importantly

I love us & I love you.